it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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