Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
