If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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