someone threw a dead crab at me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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