just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
