omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
