I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
