Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
