yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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