I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
