I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
