that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
