So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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