Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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