I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
