I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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