i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
