I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
