Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
