i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
