I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
