So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
