I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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