im holly from the hills drunk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
