Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
