That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i think i just lost a toe
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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