The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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