belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
