Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
