no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
