A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Where is the hickey?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
