Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
