fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
