literally had 100 drinks last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
