This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
