I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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