haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
