I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
4 words: hood of his car
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
