I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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