does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
