I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
