I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
