he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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