there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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