just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
