shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
