i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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