I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
