Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
