Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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