The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
